Rules of Engagement

Nancy poised to do battle

So what foods contain sugar?  F#*cking everything.  Note to readers:  I did not give up swearing.

The obvious culprits jump out like your favorite memories (at least mine):  cookies; candy; ice cream; cake; donuts; sodas; anything that tastes good.

Food items that you had no idea contained huge amounts of sugar:  store-bought bread; crackers; bottled sauces (such as barbecue sauce, ketchup, Worcester sauce, etc.) canned soups, cereals, bottled salad dressings.

I’ll stop before your eyes begin to glaze over.

True “no sugar” disciples (NSDs) stay away from fruit because fruit is filled with natural sugars (sugars derived from plant material), which allegedly stimulates sugar cravings.

NSDs don’t eat produce such as apples, bananas, watermelon and definitely no pineapples.  Occasionally, they may partake in a blueberry, but who really cares??   I do not binge on fruit.  I cannot recall having a second helping.  Ever.

The truth?   Chocolate and bread function as my two main food groups.  You think I joke, but I do not.

I love, love, love chocolate.   And when that isn’t available, I’ll eat a little bread (like a loaf of that delectable Boudin sourdough, topped with a slab of butter…mmmmm.)

Given my preferences for chocolate and bread, you may be wondering, “How’s this “no sugar” thing going?”

Honestly, not too badly.

The blog distracts me and my public pledge serves as a gentle noose around my neck.  I force myself to eat the occasional piece of fruit.  Though I remain certain I will never truly enjoy fruit as I relish the many forms of chocolate (candy, syrup, chips, fountains and the like), fruit serves as a vital and important dietary stopgap measure, preventing me from going on a run to See’s Candy.

Am I staying away from processed foods?  I am trying, by God, I am trying.  My main rule of engagement calls for no obvious sweets.  I will abide by that one rule for now and quite frankly, considering my serious limitations, that’s pretty damn good, don’t you think?


3 responses to “Rules of Engagement

  • Donna Labagh

    Reading your blog as I down a PLAIN turkey sandwich. I am also a sugarholic and PROUD of it! But alas, my trainer has me on a strict eating plan – not diet- and exercise that makes me not want to see sugar again. Oh, and I also just found out that non-fat milk contains sugar so my lattes are not being paired with soy or almond milk. Life is too short, but if we don’t start eating right it will be real short! -Donna

  • Joanne Desmond

    Non-fat contains sugar too???? Is there no end?

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